too hypocrite???

 why is it so hard to be ourself? 
why is it soo hard to just express ourself without hurting ourself?
why is life soo complicated and hard to cope up with...
is it bad? to be afraid of taking risk b'coz we are affraid of getting ourself hurt?
is it a sign of weakness to be crying?
or do we have to just live in denial and cover up all of those weakness feelings??? 
THE HYPOCRISY!!!

eID mUbaRrak!! =(

1 syawal olredy??? OMG!!
why don't i feel like celebrating it today??? it just felt sumthing's differrent...sumthing is lacking..
but what is it???
there's just no enthusiastic or that excitement of celebrating the rye tis year...
the pelita has olready been put out, family arrived home dy, new clothes tried on dy, what else???
y eh still no feelings??????

hmmmmm i think i have to journey back a bit...
if i were to look back during  my ramadhan month i think i know why... 
i think it's true that the excitement of celebrating eid mubarrak is the celebrating upon the winning of the the war spiritually within ourself.. it's the satisfaction of gaining and upgrading our iman during the ramadhan that gives the full satisfaction during the eid mubarrak...
it's not only the matter of new clothes, shoes, rye cookies or duit rye... those are just the other part of it...
i guess it was my fault for not taking the advantages of the holy month...that's what makes me feel this way... =(
there got a lesson to learn!! better learn that nothing rite??...
hope that having to lose sumthing make me think and yet still cn gain sumthing from it..so that it's not a complete waste...

mmmm...scretching!!!!

gosh!!!....
it really have been 3 months since i last updates my blog huh???mmm
it's not like i don't have any story to share but b'coz there's TOO much to explode i don't even know where to begin...hurmmm..
where do i begin????

food for thought!!

i couldn't agree more with one of my dearest friends AIN JOHARI's saying that we were going to be so mature once we were out of the matriculation institution!!! 

well, eventually that is definitely true!!! 

shockingly i found myself for once not being so selfish of myself!! which i have always been for all these years... maybe it was b'coz i was spoiled by the pampering and everlasting love from both of my parents... i always got for whatever i asked for unlike my lil sister..she kinda had a liltle hard time with that...i was the one who's good with the persuading thing!! since i was young..i always got the attention! well, that's enough of the liltle black backgroud already!!

n'way...as i was saying that i, myself was also surprised with the way i think things nowadays...i might still be childish at certain things but the good news is that not all the things i was being childish! YEA FINALLY GROWING UP!

i wasn't complaining when i was asked to help out at the kitchen preparing food! i was always complaining when i had to help out in the kitchen! i hated when i'm order to do things! especially cooking! i know..i know i'm a girl and that's what girls are suppose to do! the MAIDS' works... which the reason is so clear to prepared the girls to be the best future wife after all..

but u have to understand one thing! all my life i have lived this luxury life with maids, drivers, and people having to do my things..all i know is that everything is ready, prepared to be used! 

plus i was living in the the hostel for almost 7 years now..all i do is  to only prepare my stuffs and only my stuffs...i don't give a damn about other people.. now at home it's totally a different thing..i had to do all the chores, washing the dishes, make sure the clothes were washed, dried and folded. the floors were clean, the toilets smelled good and white including the tiles! gosh that's just too much! i got culture shock people!!!!  but that was when i first finished my SPM! now i'm all used to it.. that all seems only such a small matter now...maybe that's why i'm  a bit mature with that.. i don't mind now...NOw..i did all those things without even being asked to...except cooking...heheheh

one other factors, i think that might have influenced my thinking was my age factor..

i guess that having to carry a big fat TWO O wasn't that easy! it's starting to unfold all the responsibilities that i have to carry upon my shoulders now... i have to try and not to depends on my parents too much! i always think that what if one day my parents died  (god, please panjgkn umur both my parents..amin) that's if only..which i obviously know everyone is gonna die sooner or later rite so just had to start thinking of it...what would i do if i can't even manage myself..that would be just soo pathetic for me! that's why i have to start looking forward and the future in some ways ain't that right?

 this i was thinking as i was lying back on my bed before bed..

 just food for thought!

the BlaSt 20th BirthDay Ever!!!

TURNING A BIG TWO ZERO!!!

 WOW!!! did i just got turned to a big TWO ZERO?!!!

unbelievable!

but yea i think i just did!

a big N O! i'm OLd?!!!

damn it!

WAIT!!!

what's to be a wuusss about?

do u know what this actually means?

i got to be married soon!!!hahahah

that's definitely gonna b in my calender plan..weee

all my life my birthday would be celebrated with 

the loves ones...just plain n casual celebration..

but this year was extremely different!

with all the DRAMAS!!hahah

i've to admit i've been punk'd!!

but it was the best punk'd i've ever got and definitely 

will be glued with gum UHU permanently in my mind!

well, at first i actually might have guessed that they were coming 

to seremban to celebrate my birthday...

b'coz they've given such clues during the days in matrix..

so u knoww. i might b hoping a liltle bit..heheh

but i don't want to keep my hopes high b'coz one my best friends 

forgets my birthday!! gosh!! but don't wanna make a big deal out of it..

so...n'way...

that night b4 00.00hours (military hours)

myra sent me msgs asking my help to accompany her to town!

ayat die!! pergh bersungguh ajak aku nie!!

aku cm pelik r...at first de gak t'pk nie mesti ade udang di sebalik batu!

tp....lelame aku tggu dh kul 12 mlm nie..x gk wish2 besday aku!!

hmmm lupe la tue kowt!

the nxt day aku pon tnye la my mom leh x nk temn myra g town..

as u already know name myra dh pn kne banned ngn parents aku...so cm ssh r sket nk mntk permission...hahahah (JUZ JOKING LA MYRA)

my mom said no! die kate nk spend time with me on my birthday la pulak..

plus my cuzen de yg coming nk celebrate jugak an..

fine la...mom's request kn..or was it an order?!!!

aku pn confuse!

so 

aku pn call la myra..ckp x bleh kuar got celebration at 6..nk kne help out kt dapur!

she sounded very sad! 

yg x bleh blaaa tue...die siap tnye aku lg...nk celebrate pe wei?

sengal nye kawn!!!hahha 

aku pn memalu la plak nk ckp besday aku la makcik oi!!hhaha

that was actually the end!

tetibe lak my sister balik dye trus tnye?

"kak, x g kuar ngn myra ke"

aku pn pelik je...mane ko tw?

"hmmmmm oooo mak bgtw!"

nasb die pndai cover aku pn x pk pnjg dh..

oooo mak x bg r...

"mak bg la...die bwu je ckp td"

aku pn binggung!

tp what the heck i cn go out!!ahahah

aku pn trus la called myra...set time nk suh dye ambek

janji kul 2..skali tgk kul 3 oooo..

hmmm mmg janji melayu!!hahah

alasan g ambk minyak n sesat!!hahha

padahal pnt wt spagetti..hahahh

that was the first lie!!

dlm kete aku pn byk r tnye soklan...mcm2 la..

yela ajk aku g teman tp x bg explanation pon..mst la aku mnyk tnye ammmmaa

g mane? wtpe? jumpe sape? n all sorts of things

u know it's hard to keep my mouth shut once i open them..hhheeee

aku actly cm pelik r kn kate nk g anta lappy kt kedai tp lappy pown aku x nmpk..

xpe kt bonnet kowt...

sesampai je...bleh lak suh aku tnggu dlm kete siap bg aku make up lg..hahha

aku  dh selekeh tyme tuuu! pakaian ntah cm pe je..haiya nasib x pakai kaen batik je...yela ingt nk teman je kn..

pastu die kate member die x smpai lg... yg klakar nye bleh plak die berkomunikasi ngn member die tue pakai "saya awak" hahahahahah

sumpah gile lawak! myra? ckp saya awak!! LOL!

aku tgk myra cm nervous je! aku ingt die cm de flirt sket ngn mamat yg die nk jumpe nie ke? tue yg nervous sgt nie...aku pn try r korek2 secrets..

senior konon!...kawan tp jarang jumpe la...de sorng member gurl ikot tp x rapat sgt la..

bli sweater la... nth pape r,,die kelentong aku?!

but BRAVO!!! it works!!!

ak pn ajak la die round2 lake garden tue...to tell u the truth aku pn x pnh sampai tmpt tue..hahah

pe r..name je ank org negeri sembilan..malu oiiiii..

then kami pn berjaln la ke tmpat destinasi tue...die xcited je bgtw aku 'senior' die tggu kt tmpt papan2 tue..aku pn focus je la..to have a gud look at him...sekali BOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!

nasib aku x larikn diri...kne TERJAH ngn krew2 dr KL woooo!!!

couple kt tepi tue pn tgk je aku kne serbu!hahhaha

OMG!!!!!! (klu versi myra hoi mai god!)hahah

HAJAR, FARHAN, N AZUAN! 

SUPRISED! 

wah!! aku kne sembur ngn pe ntah tali color2 tue!!!

hahhaha redha je la aku..

mmg surprised gile!

TERHARU dowh!

tp aku x tw muke aku menunjukn muke terharu ke x???hhehhe

actly still nk cover macho tue..wawawaw

seriously cm nk nagis je...tp x leh la ...t jatuh r saham!hihihi

 yg lg terharu tue myra siap mask sendiri spagetti tuu tuk ktorng! 

mekasih myra! sedaaapppp hingga menjilat jari!huhuu

 mlm tue plak my top of the chart sister (adek) ~ DEQLA snggup trn semban tue

siap tido umah aku lg...

mmg terharu la wei!

x tw cm ner  lg nk describe keterharuan aku tue..ehheh

OOO ALLAH i'm very grateful for blessing me with all these kasih sayng yg terlampau banyak!! from my beloved families and friends..which i never regret to have them enter in my short life on earth! 

 THANK YOU ALLAH!

 

 

 

SMILE

I HAD THE BEST DAY EVER!!!
the starting of the day..
i was watching marathon movies Vampire assistance, the lightning thief, and he's just not that into you n all of a sudden i got a call...
a call from my dearest dot dot dot.....hehehe (further information would be personal)
we talk for hours till the clock strikes 6 am in the morning n the azan was heard.. OMG!!!
x prasan lgsg... everyone was awake.. takot kantoi plak..cpt2 nk letak tepon..konon bgn awal gile r subuh tue..
ceh banga lakk..padahal...shhhhhhhhhhhhh
bile pk2 balik x tw pe yg diceritakn sampai pagi buta tue....but to tell you the truth that call made made me smile all day long ;p

i woke up at 10 in the morning that's only 5 hours of sleep..totally not enough for me..
but i still had to wake up when i see a mountain high of unfold clothes from yesterday filled half of the space in my room...gosh!!!! kalo mak msok bilik nmpk nie COMFIRM bising...aiyooo bingit telinga gue...
x sempat nk gosok gigi lg nie trus bukak laptop and kononye nk sambil2 lipat kain la...
hampeh mmg mata, tangan, body and soul sume  tertumpu kt laptop je r...
soon after that i got another call.. no 03........ urmmm sape plak la yg call aku nie???
hmmm maybe org yg nk offer aku keje kowt...xpe berani kn diri angkt la tepon tue...
"hello", suara cm tersekat je..
"hello, nie saye nk ingtkn pasal interview awak on 23th april kt upm"
(betol ke nie? or aku tgh mimpi lg nie sbb hepi sgt pasal pg td??)
"ummm UPM?" aku tnye... (i was suprised but overwhelmed and overjoyed...is this for real??? aku pn mule pk
upm? course pe yg aku apply eyk for interview?? gile r apply tp x tw course pe..pastue dpt interview plak... nk jwp pe tyme interview tue..)
"UPM, university putra malaysia, further information check online ye"
"ummm jap, smalm sye check online x de pon"
"awak try check hari nie"
"okay..terima kasih ye" (another smile on my face, but my hearts was beating like damn fast) still can't believe is this for real??? i'm not asleep right???
what was i suppose to do?
i went online n ushar la portal upu tu tuk check semakan temuduga for upm..
tp hampeh...x de pape pn..same je cm semalm..pe aku nk wt nie?
btol ke td from Upm yg call aku? o just nk knekn aku? mule la pk yg bukan2..
i know who i should call my brother, Hariss...
i told him everything n he told me to call the office but there's no answer..
i tried opening the portal pn x de gk for temuduga thingy..
xpe la i'll try calling on monday to make sure..tp cm pelik je..dye call on saturday???
hmmm ntah la wait till monday... stick it that way..klu de rezeki de la tue..klu x de maybe kt tmpt laen kowt..no worries be happy ;)

as i was 'facebooking' an old fren of mine buzz me kt facebook..
my old friend kt myanmar dlu...b4 nie de gk contact2 tp cm biase2 je la..tnye khabar n stuff..dh byk kali dh kate nk jumpe...it has been bout 6 years kowt x jumpe since mynmar days..wow!! malu nye nk jumpe..
tp tgk gmbr kt facebook xde la beza mane pon..okey kowt dh nmpk gmbr kt facebook xde r suprised sgt..
byk nk catchup nie..hot gossssiiiippppppp itu pasti!!!heheh
tetibe lak dye kate nk dtg uamah aku kt seremban nie??? r u freaking serious???!!!
dye tnye cm ne nk jln after highway pastu suruh aku jemput somewhere nearby..
biar btol buat plan cmnie? die mandi pn blom lg tue...bilik aku nie plak dh r pnuh ngh kain td...aiyooo aku dh panik dh...
waras ke mamat nie??? then die ckp die nk g mandi n nk siap nnt dh otw die msj..WOOOOOOO!!!
that was an instant planning!! aku pn okey je r cpt2 kuar bilk bgtw parents aku member lame nk dtg..
excited lak aku..hehehe my family sume kenal die so not a problem sgt la..mmg terima deengan open hand la..WELCOME
akhirye sampai jugk die kt seremban..i went to fetch him kt giant senawang.. die pn ikot la kete aku smpai HOME SWEET HOME..
datang2 je trus pakse die makan..sebenarnye sebab aku yg lapar gile nie..x tahn tgk maskn mak yg sedaap tuu...heheh
pastu borak2 la sampai after asar..puas atie r jumpe dpt borak2...so much yg dh di update..seronok jumpe member lame.. peeergghh rindu gile...
dlu seingt aku asyik bergaduh je ngn mamat nie skng borak sume nk control macho matang la kate kn....
ye aku pn dh matang n mmg ayu habis la...hahahha
that was pretty much it that made my day all colorful...
what a day!!!... fuhhh
by the end of the say i was so damn exhausted with happiness...

looking forward for a brighter day tmrrow...

MY FIRST!!! ;-p

FINALLY!!! 

after such along time of postponing it,  i finally get to write something here... (congatulation hazira!!)
to tell u the truth, it actually takes a lot of courage to actually post something publically... ( all sweats already)hehe

i just thought that maybe by writing this blog gets to help me express some of the things and
thoughts that i just can't express it out loud...
hope this is gonna be fun n at the same time build up my creativity in writing...('',)